AI: The Unexpected Co-Parenting Coach

As a family law attorney and parenting coordinator, I see my share of poorly written emails. In fact, I dare say that I have seen more than my share of poorly written emails. In the family law custody setting, poorly written emails tend to fall into one of the following categories: verbose, accusatory, and/or vindictive.

One of my initial jobs as a parenting coordinator is emailing both parties a “Communications Protocol.” This protocol provides a framework for the content, format, frequency, and response timeliness. The protocol also recommends that emails be written in a professional tone whereby a party is brief, informative, friendly, and, sometimes, firm (the latter of which is rare in the realm of parenting coordinator work)—thank you, Bill Eddy.

One recommendation I find often underutilized is AI. AI, Rachel, what on earth are you talking about? How can I use AI in a custody setting? Well, let’s explore that.

Here’s an example of a “bad” email in the custody realm from Father to Mother:

Child had an absolutely incredible week with me during my custodial time. They constantly commented how much they love spending time with me and wish they could stay with me all the time. We swam, ate pasta, and played games on the iPad. Notably, they didn’t mention your name one time. Didn’t even allude to your presence. LOL!

I noticed that Child had a bug bite on their arm. When did this occur? Why wasn’t I notified? It’s typical that you wouldn’t bother to let me know, and I’m SURE you just ignored it and didn’t even give Child a drop of medicine. Maybe if you and your new boyfriend would stop sucking face for a little bit you would have noticed the bug bite, but, hey, who am I? Just the Father of My Child.

You are welcome to pick up Child from their home tomorrow at 6 p.m., per your request, but only if you can manage to be on time—we both know how hard that is for you.

Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Most parents’ emails aren’t this bad, but there is a strong tendency to be angry or vindictive when emotions are high. If this parent had used AI in the right way, their product would have looked totally different.

Using Claude, an AI chat app, I provided the following prompt: You are an excellent coparent that strives  to have a healthy relationship with the mother of your child. Please rewrite this email ensuring it is brief, informative, and friendly, and ensure it is well-received, emotionally, by my coparent. I then then asked Claude to rewrite my parenting email. Here’s what I got:

Hope you're doing well! Child and I had a great week together. We enjoyed swimming, pasta dinners, and some iPad games.

I noticed a bug bite on Child's arm that seemed to be bothering them a bit. I applied some anti-itch cream, but wanted to check if you had noticed it before and if there's anything specific you've been doing for it.

As requested, Child will be ready for pickup tomorrow at 6 p.m. Please let me know if anything changes with the timing.

This new and improved version focuses on sharing positive information about a father’s time with his child, raises the concern about the bug bite in a neutral way that invites cooperation, and ends with confirming pickup arrangements without unnecessary commentary. This is what I would classify as a “good” email.

The next time you’re heated and emailing with your coparent, try using AI and see if it doesn’t help. 

Feel free to contact us to schedule your family law consultation—we’d be happy to help.